We Three Things
by A. Windsor
Summary: "The beginning of the pageant goes pretty well." [December 2024]


Title: _We Three Things_

Author: A. Windsor

Pairing/Characters: Callie/Arizona

Rating: G

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. My law degree [:O] could allow me to legalese this a little more, but it also tells me it's pretty useless. So please don't sue; it's not mine, I'm just playing!

Series: Thing!verse

Summary: "The beginning of the pageant goes pretty well." [December 24, 2024] **Secret Santa fic for nerdfightergirl.**

Author's Note: A new thing!verse. Is anyone else shocked? I'm shocked. Nerdfightergirl's request was "any Thing!verse fic". Beta'd by my dearest darling girlfriend, from 3000 miles away. With bonus artwork by the amazing variety-ownage at the end.

* * *

"Soy oveja, baa,"Teo declares, shaking his little butt with its tiny tail. [I'm a sheep.]

"Yes, you are,"Callie laughs, gently pulling his face back into place. "Stop wiggling."

She carefully applies the dark paint to his nose while he stands at attention.

"Okay, all done,"she smiles and kisses her cheek. "Who's your shepherd, little sheep?"

The Sunday School rooms are all aflutter with children and the parents wrestling them into costume. Someone distributed candy canes, and Callie is pretty sure that's the _worst_ idea she's ever heard.

"Um…"Teo is searching his memory, biting his finger, as he tries to answer her question.

"Grey, amor. Grey is your shepherd, so you walk next to him the whole time and do what he says, okay?"

"Sí, Mami."

"Muy bien. Ven conmigo. Tenemos que buscar a tus hermanas."[Very good. Come with me. We need to find your sisters.]

Sticking his hand in his madre's, Teo trots along beside her as they look. In the next room over, they find -

"Momma!"

"Hello, my little lamb,"Arizona greets him, patting his head.

"Baa."

"Oh, god, they gave her a crown,"Callie points out when she spots Lena on the other side of the room, conversing with her two other Wise Men and a bevy of "pages". She's draped in royal robes and idly tosses around her styrofoam box of Gold, plastic crown cockeyed on her head.

"I already told her she couldn't keep it,"Arizona tells her.

"Oh, she's princess enough,"Callie laughs, scanning the rest of the room and spotting one of the Sunday School teachers taking a picture of Susie and Caroline together, the first time since putting on the costume that Callie has seen her girl smile. Last Callie saw her, she was Christmas's grumpiest angel.

"Father Jim told her about Michael,"Arizona says. At Callie's quizzical look, Arizona clarifies: "The archangel Michael. A warrior. Basically, he convinced her that angels are badass, and she stopped pouting."

Callie laughs and then looks down as Teo tugs on her shirt.

"Mami? Santa at home?"

"No, no, m'ijo. Santa comes when you're sleeping."

"Oh."

"Do you think you were a good enough boy for Santa to come?"

Teo nods vigorously. "Sí."

"What about you, Momma? Do you think Teo was good enough?"

"Hmm…yes,"Arizona finally puts him out of his misery.

Teo grins and nuzzles at her knee.

"Where's Asa?"Arizona asks.

"I thought he was with you,"Callie answers.

"Nope."

"Oh, great. We've lost Joseph,"Callie sighs.

"However will the show go on,"deadpans Arizona, Teo-Lamb on her hip.

Callie smirks. "He's a main character."

"Is he really though?"Arizona challenges.

"Hey, the guy believed his fiancée when she said she was having God's baby. Let's give the guy a little credit."

"Fair enough."

"I wanna get eyes on Asa before the pageant begins, though,"Callie notes.

"Alright, little sheep,"Arizona puts Teo down and pats his little bum. "Can you help me find Acer?"

"Sí,"Teo nods once, wandering towards the hall in search of his big brother.

"Good plan,"Callie approves.

They follow their waddling lamb from room to room, where he sticks his head in to scan for Asa, refusing to be distracted by the friends and acquaintances who wave at them. At the third door, he stops and cries:

"Asa!"

In this room, along with Sophie Tanaka as Mary, is Asa, with his arms full of baby.

"Hi,"the eleven-year-old looks up as his moms and brother enter.

The oldest of four, Asa is no stranger to holding an infant, and he does so with ease. Baby Jesus's mother, Laura Tolzien, stands by watchfully.

"Asa, ¿por quétienes otro baby?"Teo demands. [Why do you have another baby?]

The boys'moms laugh.

"Emma is going to be Baby Jesus,"Asa explains.

Teo doesn't respond, continuing to give the baby an unamused look.

"You've got a real pro,"Laura notes. "I have to say, I was a little worried about letting her be Baby Jesus, but he's great with her.

"He was Baby Jesus himself. His younger sister was when she wasn't even three weeks old,"Callie replies.

"Don't ask us what we were thinking,"Arizona says quickly.

Laura smiles. "So they survive?"

"They survive,"Arizona promises. "How old is Emma?"

"Nine weeks,"Laura answers.

"Can I hold her?"Sophie asks nervously.

Asa makes the change with Laura standing closely by to monitor.

Baby Emma/Jesus starts wailing as soon as Sophie takes her. After a few fruitless minutes of trying to calm the infant (and the panic stricken twelve-year-old), Laura swoops her daughter up. Just then, Julian, the teenage "director"and the Robbins-Torres family's after school and summer nanny, appears in the doorway.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road,"he says. "Parents, we'll take it from here."

"We should drop the little man off with his shepherd,"Arizona says to take their leave of Laura.

"Grey!" Teo cries.

"That's right,"Callie confirms. "Break a leg, Asa!"

* * *

"How are things back there?"Lexie asks as Callie and Arizona slide in beside her.

"Crazy,"Arizona answers. "Where's Mark?"

"You didn't see him?"Lexie asks. "I just got off shift. I left him in charge."

"We just left Teo with Grey, and Susie is with Caroline, so he got them here,"Arizona assures her.

"Probably a wing emergency with Susie,"Callie chimes in.

Moments later, as the music starts, a flustered Mark Sloan slips into their pew, hands and shirt covered with glittered.

"Don't ask,"he breathes, even as Callie starts to cackle.

* * *

The beginning of the pageant goes pretty well. Asa, Sophie, and a first grader dressed as a donkey successfully make it to the altar without incident. Asa's fake beard even stays in place. Things start to get a little wonky when the Messiah is born. Emma repeats the earlier scenario when she is "born unto"Sophie. After an awkward minute of wailing, Asa swoops the baby up before Laura can intervene, and Emma immediately quiets.

"Joseph is such a modern dad,"Arizona murmurs, amused, in her wife's ear.

Callie beams at her sweet little boy, and a chuckle rolls through the congregation.

This first incident is mostly just amusing as throughout the entire performance, Jesus remains in Joseph's arms. The second is more disruptive, and this time a Robbins-Torres is the problem, not the solution.

It starts when the shepherds and their flocks start to follow the star to Bethlehem. Teo, ham that he is, waves exuberantly as he passes his mothers, aunt, and uncle. Eight-year-old Grey clings valiantly to one of the toddlers'hands, but Teo clearly doesn't want to be _shepherded_.

"¡Hola, Ma!"he cries, thankfully drowned out by the organ music for all but the closest pews.

Callie laughs and buries her face in her wife's shoulder, while a grinning Arizona tries to shush their youngest without drawing more attention.

Grey has to all but drag (Mateíto) down the aisle, since he keeps encountering "friends"at the end of every pew.

Teo and Grey finally arrive at the front of the church, the last stragglers of an already chaotic group. Instead of shifting to the side with the rest of the flock, as Grey begs him to do, Teo runs front and center. Bumping the empty manger, Teo glues himself to Asa's side, despite all direction otherwise, glaring at the interloper his brother holds.

The addition of an insubordinate lamb in the middle of the Holy Family is inconvenient, yes, but also fairly adorable, written off as part of the charm of the children's annual pageant. What comes next, however…

* * *

The angels have alighted upon the "stable"without incident, and the narrator has moved from the shepherds watching their flocks by night to the Wise Men from the east. As the kings (Lena included) make their way in among the attendant clatter of their entourage, a different kind of clamor erupts from behind Mary and Joseph.

The narrators valiantly press on, but everyone's attention is now on the young angels. It's not until an angel hits the floor, flat on his back, that anyone gets an idea of what is happening with the kindergarteners. It's not until their own avenging angel appears, standing triumphantly over her fallen comrade, that Callie and Arizona realize just _how_ crazy this Christmas Eve is.

"Oh, god,"Arizona groans.

"Oh, God is definitely laughing,"Callie murmurs back.

Also laughing hysterically, but as quietly as possible, is Mark Sloan.

"Bruiser's at it again,"he remarks.

"Our kid just took out a boy _on the altar_. I'm not even religious and _I _know that is a no-no."

Mark is still laughing, Lexie fighting her own giggles back, and up on the altar, Julian is making his way to intervene. Asa, still holding newborn Emma, is frozen, turned towards his sister but unsure of how to proceed. Lena, though, in all her royal splendor, sprints up the rest of the aisle to prevent her sister's next pounce, grabbing her under the wings.

"Come on,"Callie grabs Lexie. "If ours is guilty, yours is involved."

Lexie follows, turning to her still doubled-over husband and pointing: "Behave."

Arizona, flabbergasted, gapes at Callie.

"We got this,"Callie assures her with a calming gesture.

* * *

Her halo is crooked, her wings askew, but nearly six-year-old Caroline is the picture of _unapologetic_. Jaw set, big brown eyes hard, arms crossed over her chest, Caroline insists:

"He pushed Susie! And stepped on her foot!"

They have pulled the three naughty angels into the sacristy, the small room to the side of the altar where the flowers and the communion sacraments are prepared. Back in the sanctuary, the pageant wraps up and the hubbub of actors returning to their seats masks the noise of the "victim"'s wails and Caroline's indignant defense.

The original aggrieved party, five-year-old Susannah Sloan, stands calmly to the side of her best friend. Ryan Holt continues to cry at his father's side. Ryan definitely got the worse end of this bargain.

"Ryan, is that true?"his dad asks.

Ryan nods pitifully.

"Was it an accident?"his dad follows up. Ryan says nothing, turning into his dad's side. The dad adds: "That means no."

"But Caroline, that doesn't mean you should push him back. You should tell an adult,"Callie admonishes.

"Pero Mami, siempre dices túque si alguien duele a otra persona, debemos-" [But Mami, you always say that if someone is hurting another person, we should-]

"Ah-ah, English,"Callie insists. "If you want to defend yourself, everyone should understand."

Caroline shakes her head, refusing to repeat herself.

"Apologize to Ryan,"Callie instructs.

"Ryan should go first,"his dad says, nudging his son. "Say sorry to Susie."

"I'm sorry,"Ryan mumbles.

Lexie places a hand on Susie's shoulder to prompt a response.

"Thank you."

"And?"Lexie asks.

"It's okay,"Susie intones.

"But it's not okay!"Caroline argues.

"Basta,"Callie tuts. "Your turn."

"I'm sorry, Ryan,"Caroline sighs.

"For?"

"Pushing you on the ground. During the pageant. Because you hurt Susie."

"Caroline."

"It's okay,"Ryan's dad cuts off any further discussion. "We should get back there. Merry Christmas,"he grins ironically.

The Holts take their leave, and Susie and Lexie agree to meet them at the pew.

"Ahora español. ¿En la iglesia, m'ija?"

"Pero, Mami-"

"No. No más 'pero, mami,'. ¿Quépiensas?"[No. No more 'but mami'. What were you thinking?]

"I-"

* * *

Arizona knocks on the door lightly, entering just in time to walk into a Torres woman stand off.

"I'll take it from here,"she says softly. Teo and Lena are asking for you. Care Bear and I will take a walk. Lexie filled me in."

Callie nods and kisses her wife quickly. Then she briefly kisses Caroline's head, and Arizona smiles. These two butt heads often, and Callie is working on not letting her five-year-old mini-me get to her too much, especially reminding herself to let Caroline know that her madre loves her even when they are fighting.

When they're alone, Arizona sighs and says: "Let's walk, Thing Three."

"Sí, Momma."

They take the back way down to the reception hall and walk in silence for a bit.

"Aunt Lexie says Ryan pushed Susie,"Arizona finally speaks up.

"And stepped on her foot!"

"Mhmm."

"He hurt her!"

"Was he still pushing her when you pushed him?"

"No,"Caroline answers, brow knit.

"So it wasn't defense. It was revenge. Do you know the difference?"

Caroline shrugs, wings comically following her shoulders.

"Revenge is when you hurt someone for hurting you or someone else. Defense is when you do something to _stop_ someone from hurting you or someone else. It's okay sometimes to hurt someone to stop them, but _never_ in revenge."

Caroline nods.

"¿Entiendes?"[Do you understand?]

Caroline grins widely. "Entiendo, Momma."[I understand.]

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, Momma. I got mad."

"It's okay, amor. Just take a few breaths and tell a grown up next time,"Arizona instructs, taking her daughter's hand.

Caroline nods again. They've almost completed a lap of the hall, so Arizona steers them back towards the stairs. Just short of the first step, the girl pauses and pulls back on Arizona's hand.

"What is it, Cari?"

"Momma, will Santa still come tonight?"Caroline asks quietly. She waits, somehow looking both apprehensive and resigned to her fate, while Arizona pretends to consider.

"I think he'll show,"she assures. "Maybe you should leave him a note, saying you're sorry."

Caroline nods.

"Ready to get back up there?"

Caroline nods again.

They sneak back to their pew right before communion starts. With a silent request and outstretched arms, Caroline gets Uncle Mark to lift her up and deposit her next to Susie. Callie waves to Arizona from the other end of the pew, an exhausted little lamb on her hip. Arizona gives her thumbs up, and Callie smiles.

* * *

Lena's crown (which she of course charmed the props master into letting her keep until Sunday) still rests regally atop her head, but otherwise the nine-year-old is dressed in just her bright red union suit. Her similarly dressed siblings (minus the headgear) are all piled on top of and around each other. They are all _almost_ as engrossed in _The Muppet Christmas Carol _as their mother.

The detritus of Christmas, in the form of abandoned cardboard boxes and wrapping paper tumbleweeds, is spread around the whole first floor. They're usually much better about cleaning up as they go, but today they've really let it go in favor of savoring one of the last Christmases where they all (kinda) believe in the magic of Santa.

And Santa was very good this year, even to the often slipping but finally repentant Caroline Grace.

Callie is up on the couch with Arizona while the kids have nested on the carpet. She pulls her wife closer and kisses behind her ear. Arizona hums softly in appreciation, but makes no other sign of shifting attention away from Gonzo's gripping narration. Her cute wife laughs along with their angels when Rizzo chimes in with some commentary.

This year has been _crazy_, their holiday season especially, and so last night's chaotic Christmas pageant was an oddly appropriate way to finish off the year. It's nice to finish Christmas on a quiet, peaceful note, a pause before the abuelos arrive for the New Year. Four is insane, and it's never been more evident than this year, when they were all walking and mostly talking for the whole year.

Seeing them all like this, quiet and snuggly and _still_, though, reminds her of why it's all worth it.

* * *

el fin


End file.
